Sigh~

I feel like crap. 

No. Actually I feel like crap everyday these days.
I feel like almost everything is going downhill for me.
And I'm actually beginning to dislike myself more and more.

I just had a shower and somehow I decided to take a picture
of my face just so to really see how it is right now as compared
to the last time I took such a photo for the same purpose. I am 
really speechless when I began to look at it. It's horrible. I feel 
like its getting worse despite being so bad already. I don't like 
looking at myself anymore. And I can't stand people looking at 
me either. I feel devalued, if not worthless because of this. I 
even feel like .... sigh~

And again... the talk about the never ending battle I have with 
my weight. I don't even know where to begin... Actually, I don't
even wanna start. 

I'm in a horrible place with myself right now.

Revisiting myself.

Well. Today is the 29th of February and the it was 4 years since the last 29/2. Looking back, yes things really really changed for me. Some pleasant and some not really. But really, anyways, I see many things differently now. I filled shoes I never thought I would (metaphorically speaking). Again, some pleasant and some not really. But I have learnt to take things in ways I never would have. It's like opposing the very essence of me you know. But sometimes, it's just the way it has to be or it is what it is. At times, I'm left wondering who this person is. But at the end of the day the ones who matter are the ones who always will remind me that no matter what, they are always gonna love and care for me. Because... I am who I am. And nothing really actually changed.

<3

Till next time...

I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper...

Broken friendship...

There's two sides to the story.

The other side was just never told and never known.

I tried.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what else to do.

I didn't mean for it to end up like this.

I guess there's nothing much I could do now.

But just so you know, I'm here and I'm always gonna be here.

I do miss you. I'm sorry if I hurt you. But I really didn't mean to.

I wish you well.

Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere...
Or would it be a waste?
Even if I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere...

HA-HA-HA THERAPY

Fwd: Laughter Club
From: Ho Xin Yi
Add to Contacts
To:Raini

OMG RAINIIIIIIIIII!!!! WANNA GO?!?! NEXT WEEK? HAHAHAHA...you know the place?

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: zareenabana@aol.com
Date: Sat, Feb 5, 2011 at 2:50 AM
Subject: Re: Laughter Club
To: Ho Xin Yi

Hi, yes I do still conduct the session at the same place every Saturday morning at 7.30 am to 8.30 am former ly known as BIG SPlash at East Coast Park near BBQ Pit B5. At the moment I am not in town but my assisstants are carrying on.

Thanks for your interest.

Zareens Laughter Guru.



-----Original Message-----
From: Ho Xin Yi
To: zareena@aabana.com
Sent: Mon, Jan 31, 2011 3:24 pm
Subject: Laughter Club

Hi Zareena,

I was surfing the web and came across a few articles about the Joo Chiat East Coast Laughter Club.
So, I was wondering if you still conduct these laughter sessions?

Regards,
Ho Xin Yi

Kata-kata hati

First and foremost,

Baby you really made my day.

<3

Yeah...

So today Syirin and I went to the movies!

Green Hornet was fun but pretty dumb lah.

I think it was part of my procrastination needs

that needed to be met.

So I really thought that I was gonna actually get

serious and start doing work BUT...when I got home

it was like there was a freaking picnic in there.

People plonked infront of the TV munching on junk

and how can I not join in as well right? Watched some

super sappy malay love story Syah Syah brought over.

In case you haven't known, I am actually a

freaking sucker for such sappy love stories

and I cry like a baby whenever I watch them.

I don't know why but I think it might be because

I put myself in their shoes too much as I'm watching?

Or maybe because I feel for them cos my stories are

pretty screwed up too...

Anyways, did some ACCIDENTAL shopping as we

were walking around the mall which was surprisingly

quite open on the 2ND day of the CNY celebration.

Mary is right. 5 years ago, NO shops were open on

such a day. Today, not bad, quite a few shops are open,

and according to her even Forever21 is open! Who knows,

5 years from now, ALL the shops will be open! This would

then be friggin' awesome :)) So me being me, I ended up

at the perfume and cosmetics section one of the big stores

in the mall. And I got some pretty awesome stuff from

the Bourjois! *smiling wide like a freak* And oh! Finally

got myself a backpack too. Liberation for my right

shoulder! WOOHOO!!!

Back to sappy love stories.

The soundtrack for the movie I just watched is just heart wrenching.

Enjoy and goodnight.