No Regrets LARRR...

I won't lie to anybody, especially myself,
and say that I'm perfectly fine now.
Cos I'm still trying
to move on and get over it.
But I do not have any intentions of
forgetting the beautiful memories
I gained and shared with you,
cos at one point everything we did,
was exactly we wanted...

So, Cheers y'all!

you who once made me smile

And so I shall declare myself as
single and ready to mingle.
I'd be lying if i were to say that I didn't see this coming.
Cos I knew that it would,
the only question was when.
I chose to hope that the day wouldn't have to come
cos I was hoping that my first love would last.
But unfortunately, it didn't.
Maybe we lost the spark.
Maybe a third party.
Maybe to start off with,
we built our relationship on the wrong foundation
and its ought to collapse in just a matter of time.
Or maybe it's just not meant to be.
I don't know.
There are a thousand and one reasons to it.
You told me some...
Others you might deny
But all I know is that once upon a time,
I did put my heart and soul, body and mind into it.
But all that's left to it are just memories, pictures and stuff...
I don't hate you for what happened...
I just hated the fact that I tried my best to make it work,
while you just sat back and assume that it couldn't work.
Little did I see you fight for it,
maybe in the first place I wasn't any special or
maybe even wasn't at all worth it.
I didn't want it to end the way it did,
as a matter of fact, I didn't want it to even end.
25th was once a special day,
now all it is, is no more than an ordinary day.
I may seem clingy still,
but that's only because it happened all to fast.
And I may not turn into some crazy psychotic ex-girlfriend,
but trust me you, it hurts when I realise that
there's no more us to you and me.
So on this day,
I may have lost you,
but I've re-gained my independence as a woman.
I'm sensible enough to realise that it's not the end of the world,
I'm mature enough to realise that there's
other sweeter things that life itself has to offer.
And I'm definitely gonna stand back up,
move on and make the most out of the rest of my life.
Thank you for the life lessons that I wouldn't have
learnt if it wasn't for you.
And if it's not meant to be,
it's not meant to be.
It's true what they say...
"It's better to have love and lost, than never to have loved at all."
So there you go friends, visitors, people and the whole wide world,
My boyfriend and I broke up,
and all he is to me from today onwards
is nothing more than an EX-BOYFRIEND.
I could only wish you were still mine.
But don't worry...
I'll be fine.

Where did I go wrong?

For a moment there,
everything came rushing back into my head.

Who's gonna teach me how to drive?
Who's gonna go handphone hunting with me?
Who's gonna be the one to go sun tanning with me?
Who's gonna snuggle up with me in bed?
Who's gonna listen to me whine?
Who's gonna be the last one I text before I sleep?

But why did what just happened happen?
I can't deal with this.

Hold me close and say three words like you used to do.

I need you back.

Sampai kapan?

I don't know.

Get Hypnotized!

I've been yearning to watch movies
particularly Wall.E for quite some time now,
even before it was shown in the theatres
Unfortunately I don't have anyone to watch it with me.
It's either they've watched it already
or they don't want to watch to watch it at all.
Some people just don't know how to compromise.
Pretty sad actually if you ask me.
But what to do?
And oh yah...
I wanna watch 4BIA too.
And if nobody wants to watch it with me,
I'll just go by myself.

I've been up to something I never thought I would be doing lately.
I'll wake up every morning only to get hypnotized by the track.
Although waking up in the morning is by far the most hardest thing to do,
I've been committed to the plan for a full two weeks now.
And if I can do a week, I can do two weeks.
And if I can do two weeks, I can do four!
It's all for the better, I keep telling myself.
There are more advantages to this routine
than there are disadvantages.
So all I have to do now is to keep motivating myself.

Right now, this very moment,
I am very irritated with the, if I'm not wrong,
Lantern Festival Karaoke Competition just opposite my block.
It's been three days you know!
I bet you guys won't be able to take it too if you were here.
Fortunately for my whole block and others staying nearby
wouldn't have to suffer any longer cos there won't be any
Karaoke-ing tomorrow!
Thank God!

I'm gonna have to start helping mom with sewing already.
That's actually what I've been taught to do since I was young.
And that's something I will have to do every fasting month.
But the good thing is...
I get paid!
But let me tell you something,
it is unbelievably tedious and only patience and skill
will get things done.
Hohoho...My hands are so talented.
Lol!

And just like any other years,
I have no idea if I will even have a Baju Raya
in time for the celebration.
Oh well...
It's not such a big deal anymore
cos I'm too used to it.
So what happens, happens lah.

Big day tomorrow.
I'm so nervous.

The day Cinderella became Queen Bitch...

So yah... Sometimes I wish I could act a little childish
and throw a little tantrum without others thinking
of me as being utterly unreasonable and irrational.
So thanks to my reasonable and rational and very patient nature,
I wouldn't turn into Queen Bitch so soon.
But I will if I have to.

Paranormal Activity!

Neh neh neh neh neh!

I passed!!!

Hard to swallow.Funny in my belly.I was this close to ______(fill in the blank).

Unfortunately there's no instant remedy
to treat those bad butterflies, moths,
insects and creepy crawlies in your belly,
or somewhat known as the sinking feeling
you feel at the pit of your stomach,
when you come to terms with not so pleasant things.

It's a personal issue I guess.
Some people don't feel that so often,
given the same situation like mine.
So maybe I'll just have to think positive
and stop being so paranoid.

But then again...
why I feel how I feel only mean one thing.
Right?

I want to spray the whole can of insecticide in my belly now!
And say Bye Bye to ugly butterflies infesting my belly!
Hmph!

Think positive.Think positive.Think positive.
Think positive.Think positive.Think positive.
Think positive.Think positive.Think positive.
Think positive.Think positive.Think positive.

I'm not crazy!

My heavy sigh of relief

There's more to life than feeling crappy.
All of a sudden I feel thankful for having such wonderful people in my life.
When I think about it, I realize that...
I couldn't ask for more.

A family to come home to.
Friends who will always be there
whenever you feel down and will always take care of you
no matter what and will never leave you, cos they just don't have any reason to.
A loved one to love and be loved in return.

What more can I ask for?

Disconnected!

You know when you have a blog
and most of the time you'll tell people about it
so that they can view your blog whenever when they are free.

But sometimes..
you might have written something about someone in it
or maybe written about your experiences that you
are not really willing to share with certain people
and you just don't want them to know
cos at the back of your mind you just keep
telling yourself that they just cannot know
cos if they were to find out from your blog and
not from your very mouth or seen with their very eyes
or heard with their very ears, you know that
it can either spark an argument and get very messy
or it would just be a tense unspoken secret reveled.

And since I don't lock my online diary,
which means that anybody in the world
would have access to my little pink diary.

And anything can happen...

OMG!

This is how we celebrated RHD.

I just can't get over Thomas's(classmate in red) reaction in this photo!

So damn hilarious!

Lol!!!

CHEE-NOH-NEH CHINA!!!

The cute Tabla HO in a Cowboy hat in Chee-noh-neh CHINA!

LAKSA SEKSA

I feel like I look like a freaking drag!

fiveseveneight

Talking about figures,
figures can sometimes make you feel happy and excited
other times worried, less excited or depressed altogether.
If you're thinking money,
the higher the figure, the wider the grin.
But in most cases,
the higher the figure, the grin goes in the opposite direction.

So...
I'm gonna work my ass off to drop the damn figures!

I NEED TO HAVE SOME FUN MAN!

I'm bored.For the past few days, it's been like a routine,
like it has always been for the past few years.
I wanna go out and get myself a decent make up palette
from M.A.C probably, or maybe BENEFIT
if I can find a place carrying that Make-Up brand in Singapore,
or maybe BOBBI BROWN.I dunnoe.I shall go make-up shopping soon.
I'm so excited.When?I don't know.

I've not seen BF for quite some time now.
Nor have we been talking/sms-ing each other enough during that time.
Most of the time I feel like I'm the only one missing him,
I'm the only one who wants to talk to him on the phone,
I'm the only one who wants to spend at least a decent time together,
at least on the phone, since both of us very well know that
we're not gonna have that luxury of seeing each other
that often now that it's the fasting month and all.
That feeling sux I tell ya.
Like as if it doesn't affect him at all.
Like as if he means more to me than I actually mean to him.
It may sound like I'm crapping,
but trust me those of you out there
who understands exactly how I feel
knows that it's no crap.
It's real and it sux.
All I want is you to be a part of my day.
Is it so hard for you?

I'm jobless.
But I'm getting my pay cheque tomorrow!
Finally a chance to go out like I normally do,
not the daily morning routine and night prayers with Ct.

And FTT is just around the corner
and I did read the book
But I just can't seem to understand
what the hell 'biting point', 'half clutch' and all the other weird terms means.
I need help!
Im and Laveen are sooo close to passing the whole driving course
and I'm still here struggling to understand the concept of changing gears.
FUCK!

Surprisingly the trainee Personal Assistant
I'm supposed to coach hasn't been contacting me for quite some time now.
It's kinda a good and a bad thing,
cos you see, if she calls me up, it means that I'm gonna have to come down,
which means that I would also be paid.
But then again, I hate coaching her.
It's hard work I tell ya.
She's from chee-noh-neh CHINA.

Which reminds me that Tabla HO is in chee-noh-neh CHINA this very moment!
She said that she's gaining 0.4KILOS each day.
That only means that the food must be good for the belly.
And her skin is peeling. Why is that so?
Probably the sun.
And I've been sending her lullaby sms-es before I sleep.Haha.
I miss Tabla HO XIN YI!
Badly.
And Mary and Su too):
I hope Tabla Ho returns home safely.
And I hope she enjoys herself in chee-noh-neh CHINA.

I NEED TO HAVE SOME SERIOUS FUN!FAST!

Ridiculously Scary

I woke up this morning drenched in my own tears...
And continued to cry harder when I realise that
all it was, was only a dream.

But why that nightmare?
Was it supposed to mean anything?
Was it a sign?
What was it?

I don't know!

dangerously straight!

Time for a new phone!!!
I really want a chic new flip phone,
like the Samsung E600C I used to own.
Cos y'knw the flipping action you do
when you hafta pick up calls is just so cool lah.
You know what I mean right.
And when ur talking on the phone,
and the other person on the line pisses you off,
you can just flip it back hard using the side of your cheek.
Haha...It kinda momentarily helps you release that anger.

And plus I don't have to terminate my current line
in order to change to a new plan.AWESOME!
And guess what? The plan that I intend to switch to
is pretty awesome too y'knw.
Imagine being able to call 3 loved ones for free for the entire 2 years!
Plus being able to enjoy free campus calls too!
I mean those are just the benefits you get to enjoy on top
of the standard 1000 SMSes/MMSes and 100 mins free outgoing call.
I mean...Even without the free 100 mins outgoing call,
I'd be more than happy with the plan(:

Sorry...due to a BGR problem I have to attend to,
not mine by the way,
I have to cut this post short.
:(

Whatever doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

I've lived to see another beautiful Ramadan.
It's peaceful just going through the whole process.
A time to re-connect with everything I've lost touch with.
And hopefully this beautiful experience isn't short lived.
O God please guide us through.

An eye opening poem I found online I wish to share...

Operation Death

It was early in the morning at four.
When death knocked upon a bedroom door.
"Who is there?" the sleeping one cried.
"I'm Izraeel, let me inside.

"At once, the man began to shiver,
as one sweating in deadly fever.
He shouted to his sleeping wife,
"Don't let him take away my life."

"Please go away, O Angel of Death!
Leave me alone, I'm not ready yet.
My family on me depend, give me a chance,
O please prepense!

"The Angel knocked again and again,
"Friend! I'll take your life without a pain,
It is your soul Allah require,
I come not with my own desire.

"Bewildered, the man began to cry,
"O Angel! I'm so afraid to die
I'll give you gold and be your slave.
Don't send me to the unlit grave.

"The man held a gun in his right hand,
ready to defy the Angel's stand,
"I'll point my gun, towards your head.
You dare come in, I'll shoot you dead.

"By now, the Angel was in the room,
Saying, "O Friend! Prepare for your doom.
Foolish man, Angels never die,
Put down your gun and do not sigh."

"Why are you afraid? Tell me, O man,
to die according to Allah's plan?
Come, smile at me, do not be grim,
be happy to return to Him."

"O Angel! I bow my head in shame,
I had no time to take Allah's name.
From morn till dusk I made my wealth,
not even caring for my health."

"Allah's commands I never obeyed
nor five times a day I ever prayed.
A Ramadan came and Ramadan went
but no time had I to repent."

"The Haj was already fard on me
But I would not part with my money.
All charities I did ignore
Taking usury more and more."

"Sometimes I sipped my favorite wine
with flirting women I sat to dine.
O Angel! I appeal to you spare my life for a year
or two."

"The Laws of Qur'an I will obey,
I'll begin Salat this very day.
My Fast and Haj, I will complete,
and keep away from self conceit."

"I will refrain from usury,
and give all my wealth to charity,
wine and wenches I will detest,
Allah's oneness I will attest."

"We Angels do what Allah demands,
we cannot go against His commands.
Death is ordained for everyone,
father, mother, daughter or son."

"I'm afraid, this moment is your last,
now be reminded, of your past.
I do understand your fears
but it is now too late for tears."

"You lived in this world, two score and more,
Never did you, your people adore.
Your parents, you did not obey,
hungry beggars, you turned away."

"Your two ill-gotten, female offsprings,
in night-clubs, for livelihood they sing.
Instead of making more Muslims,
you made your children non-Muslims."

"You ignored the Mu'athin's Athaan,
nor did you read the Holy Qur'an.
Breaking promises all your life,
backbiting friends, and causing strife."

"From hoarded goods, great profits you made,
and your poor workers,you underpaid.
Horses and cards were your leisure,
money-making was your pleasure."

"You ate vitamins and grew more fat,
with the very sick, you never sat.
A pint of blood you never gave,
which could a little baby save."

"O human, you have done enough wrong,
you bought good properties for a song.
When the farmers appealed to you,
you did not have mercy, 'tis true."

"Paradise for you?I cannot tell,
undoubtedly you will dwell in hell.
There's no time for you to repent,
I'll take your soul for which I'm sent.

"The ending, however, is very sad.
Eventually the man became mad.
With a cry, he jumped out of bed.
And suddenly, he fell down dead.

O Reader! take a moral from here!
You never know, your end may be near.
Change your living and make amends,
for heaven, on your deeds depends